He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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