Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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