I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
