so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
