I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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