I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
