If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
