I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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