Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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