its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
