i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
