How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
