Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
