went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just threw up on my dentist
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
