i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
