well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
