she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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