Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
