Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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