Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
