I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
