You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
