I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
