direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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