I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
