after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
