just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
