I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
