I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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