i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
