He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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