Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize