It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
