walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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