Don't you send me to vm
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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