Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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