Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
