You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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