I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
