woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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