if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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