Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
