After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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