I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
