how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
