Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize