i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
