Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
