sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
