I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
