Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize