wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
