Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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