I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
