Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
