They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize