i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
