I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
