eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
