Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
