Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
