That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
